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Will Men Stay if their Woman Cheats?

Will Men Stay if their Woman Cheats?

We Already Know Many Women Stay!

I have done some research on this because I feel like this situation is so lopsided. Many women give their boyfriends and husbands chance after chance to redeem himself after infidelity. However, during my research I found that men rarely stay with their girlfriends or wives when they cheat. The ones that do stay, stay to prove a point, put their women thru torture, prove to themselves they are the man etc. It’s all an ego trip for them from what I have personally seen and read. On the contrary, the reason they don’t stay is because of their as well, and the fact that they have more of a hard time imagining another man inside of his women. Notice that I said “his”, meaning possession. With this revelation, I wanted to see if what I researched was correct by conducting a poll. Since I can’t post flash in this post, I would like for you to say “yes” or “no” to the following question.

Men – If your girlfriend or wife cheated on you would you take her back? And why (optional)?
Women – If your boyfriend/husband cheated on you would you take him back? And why (optional)?

Thank you to all of you whom are willing to openly answer this question the my survey! I will have a second part of this article, however; I just first want to get opinions on this.

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

 

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38 Responses to “Will Men Stay if their Woman Cheats?”

  1. Valerie says:
    2

    I don't think I would take him back, unless he proved himself otherwise. I have no toleration for that. It all depends on how much you love this person. If you knew it was an ongoing thing and wasnt ended w/ the other party. then I'd say "there's the door and let it kick your butt out of here"

    lol

  2. Darrell says:
    2

    Alright, I am not sure where you did your research, but I was an research assistant to Caryl Rusbult. She ran an experiment on relationship betrayal. She believed she would find what you have suggested. That women are more likely to forgive than men. However, instead the data concluded the opposite.

    http://www.carylrusbult.com/documents/80_FinkelRu

    Page 965

    The findings were surprising as far as gender differences, but she did discover that peoples initial reaction to betrayal was more closely related to emotions, but after given time people tended to be more forgiving and supported her theory that the individual has an opportunity to consider the investments they have in the relationship.

    Really cool stuff.

    Unfortunately, while searching for this link I found out that she passed away a year ago January 10'.

  3. 2

    Ok, I want to say something to answer the question since I was in that situation myself. She cheated on me and, yes, I stayed. Why did I stay? Honestly, I didn't think, at the time, that I could make it work with anyone else. I felt I had 3 strikes against me (no driver's license, I'm deaf, and I have Tourette Syndrome) so what would the chances of me be of finding someone else who accepted me like that? Plus we have a child together and I didn't want HIM not having me in his life every day. I was there the day he was born, EVERY DAY before he was born and EVERY DAY after. Now, I'm no longer with her and ALOT stronger than I used to be. I KNOW I can do better than her and so I don't give her much thought.

    That said, if it were to happen to me again, NO, I wouldn't stay. Why? Because I'm not a cheater… so why would I stay with someone who is? If I'm doing right by you, doing what I'm SUPPOSED to do as a MAN and as YOUR MAN, and then you step out on me, you're telling me you don't respect me at all nor the work we put into our relationship. So don't let the doorknob hit you where the good Lord split you.

    Ok, that's my $0.02

    • ThatMarika says:

      I am not a cheater either! But sometimes you want to forgive that person because we are human and I have not always been a perfect angel. However, I feel like cheating is just one of the worst things you can do to your mate. It shows lack of commitment.

  4. Scott says:
    2

    Hey Marika,

    Got to put my 2 cents in here because it hits home and I think I have a perspective to share that most women will find beneficial.

    I recently left the mother of my child after being with her for just over 4 years because I caught her cheating on me. Slept with another guy the day before Valentine's day and I found out by checking her gmail search history where she had done a search for "day after pill".

    The fact that she slept with another person hurt me, but it wasn't enough to leave her. The reason I left her is because when I confronted her about the situation she lied about it and denied everything. I could have forgiven her for the infidelity. We all make mistakes and we all need companionship and obviously she was not finding what she needed with me because she went else where. We could have worked through the issue and salvage the relationship had she been open and honest, but by her being selfish and inconsiderate and continuing the lie, even to this day… I know that I could never be happy in a relationship where there was no trust so I had to move on.

    It's not the cheating in most cases that breaks the relationship. It's always the loss of trust. When you truly love someone and really care for them, you should will put their feelings first. I think that she thought that admitting to it would cause us to never speak again, but in actuality, it was all I wanted… just to know the truth so we could talk about it and address the problems in our relationship that led up to it.

    It takes much courage to be honest with someone after you have cheated on them, I know because I have done it, but I can tell you that it's far better than lying about it because it gets the real truth out so your partner is not acting on false perceptions of what type of relationship they think they have with you. It's all about nurturing the imago. This is another concept that you should become familiar with if you are interested in the topic of relationships.

    Imago is the preconceived notions and ideas we have already formed going back to our childhood about how love and relationships are supposed to work that we subconsciously carry with us into each new relationship. Discovering your imago and more importantly, mapping out your partners is crucial for getting on the same page when it comes to self realization and having a greater, much deeper understanding of what really makes you love someone. There is a book I recommend to any of my friends that are going through difficult times in their relationships called "Getting the Love that you Want" and it also comes with a work book for couples that is highly effective. Unfortunately for me, I found the book too late. This book was actually my Valentine's day gift to her combined with a one week vacation to the mountain's so we could fix things up.

    Oh well… looking forward to my next relationship so I can put into practice some of the things this book made me aware of.

    Best of luck to you and your readers in finding love.

    Scott Wise

    • marika says:

      Wow! Thank you so much sharing your story! This is very helpful for others. I am going to post that book in this post for people to buy! I like that you gave me a suggestion here. I love to read! xo

    • ThatMarika says:

      Again I really appreciate your input I added the book you suggested to this blog!

  5. Carol C says:
    2

    Maybe, it depends on the man. Some will stay but will probably always be on guard and some will leave because the trust is broken. Can't really have a lasting relationship without trust and who would want to be in a relationship with someone they always have to worry about cheating again.

  6. Kenneth Saunders III says:
    1

    I agree with Scott and Shawn. I’ve never been in a relationship where my woman cheated on me. One thing I ask about before getting into a relationship is if she cheated on any in any of her previous relationships. Considering that it could’ve been a while before she cheated, I take that into consideration. Since I don’t cheat, I don’t want to be with a woman that has. It’s not about perfection, it’s about trust. During the hard times of a relationship, will she see that as a way of feeling better or can she take the pressure and try to make things better. Trust and communication are one of the foundations of a relationship. Once that’s broken, it’s incredibly hard to get that back.

    • ThatMarika says:

      FYI some women are not going to tell you that they cheated before but it is good to ask that question. I ask before dating a guy as well! But I think people might be wrapped up in first impressions that this should not be the very first thing you ask when you start dating. Just a thought!

      • Scott says:

        Most women won't admit to cheating, lets be honest here. lol
        But even if I found one that did, my perspective is that you have to leave baggage at the door when you face new relationship opportunities. What is in the past is in the past and we have all made mistakes and learned a great deal from them. Its all about being in the now and laying out your expectations for the relationship from the start. I can tell you one thing that I have learned and this is a good one to take to heart. If she cheated on the person before you with you when you first started dating, she will just as easily cheat on you too. DON'T KID YOURSELF THINKING THAT YOU ARE ANY DIFFERENT AND THAT YOU CAN CHANGE HER.
        That's why I have a policy now that I won't date a girl that I have started to acquire any real feelings for that's involved in a serious relationship until she breaks it off and gives it at least a month to settle. I can't be that guy because I know all to well pain of the broken heart and if a woman is going to play that card on some poor guy, it won't be with me. I have more respect for myself than to play into that trap.

        By the way Marika.. the link you posted is to the "Getting the love that you want" WORKBOOK, which is good… but is supplemental work sheet style material that corresponds to the information contained within the actual book. Understanding the knowledge contained within the book is crucial, and the book has many case studies of actual couples working through different scenarios that will help you see where this very useful information applies.

        I would not recommend anyone try to shortcut to the workbook without having a good grip on the material in the actual book. The link to the full book is here: http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-You-Want-Anniv

        • ThatMarika says:

          I posted the link to the book on my article here. Was it not the full book? Let me link it on my page. Because I am an affiliate I can get the book at a lower price.
          I will change the book… thanks for the link. And yes you can't change a woman nor a man so it's best to get the best person for you. I wrote an article about there on my site. If you are interested in reading that let me know. I can send you a link. Thanks for you input and recommendations. You are awesome!

        • ThatMarika says:

          P.S. If I cheated I would be honest about it!

  7. Christian_X says:
    0

    I see think it's very binary: some things can't be undone or taken back. This is one of them. Any woman who cheats didn't deserve me in the first place, so it's a net gain if I dump her and a net loss if I keep her.

    • ThatMarika says:

      Cheating in a relationship never goes away for me even if he has stopped or it was just a one time thing. Any man who cheats on me is human, but I also feel it's something I don't deserve especially if I am capable of not doing it.

      • Renee says:

        I hear you….but being faithful is human too. It's all a matter of where your head is and what's important to you. I don't plan on forgiving or forgetting….nor do I plan to spend any part of my life being angry and bitter….to allow that to happen only takes valuable time from you and will prevent you from living the life you deserve. I truly believe that time heals all wounds…..and wounds all heels!

        • ThatMarika says:

          Yes, you are right being faithful is human. And cheating is an animalistic thing that humans do! I forgive easily because tho I don't cheat… I have made my fair share of other mistakes where I have had to beg someone to forgive me.

    • Renee says:

      Agreed! I think the problem comes in when we forgive and forgive….all that does is teach the cheater that he/she needs to be more careful next time. I don't do forgiveness when that trust is broken. It's mostly because I can't live my life wondering if he's cheating when he's five minutes late. What's the old saying? Save the drama for your mama….I don't need it….life is too short…..I don't want to end up burning daylight with someone who doesn't honor the relationship. I can't pray a man into being faithful…either it's in him OR he's in her. Period.

      • ThatMarika says:

        Yeah I do see people forgive and forgive and it baffles me. I couldn't do it cause one your break my trust that's pretty much a wrap. hahaha @ "save the drama for your momma"….. And yes life IS too short girl! You can pray for a faithful man though. :)

  8. ThatMarika says:
    0

    But you know what when someone cheats they do lose all respect for you. I feel that way if a man does that to me. It's hard to come back from that in my opinion.

  9. Tony Kadysewski says:
    0

    There is "cheating" and then there is "cheating." If the atraction was in the heat of the moment that's worthy of forgiveness. If trashy and ongoing not so. But think how great the compliment if your love cheated with someone truly stellar … someone possibly even beyond your league … but returned to you, contrite and asked to stay. Possibly proof of a deep fundamental love.

    • ThatMarika says:

      Yes I said that to someone in this thread that I MIGHT be able to forgive if it was a one time deal but then it would be hard for me to trust it to be a one time deal too. So it's hard to say but an on going thing…. nahhhhh. LOL

  10. al gates says:
    0

    Since 'cheating' is a choice, it betrays 'trust' and trust is the glue that holds a relationship intact. loving and secure. When making a choice without examing the consequences is a indication of immaturity and to be more direct, really dumb.
    Enough said.

  11. Renee says:
    0

    I'm of the opinion that no one has to cheat. I think whenever you put yourself in the position where it's possible to do so, you have made a conscious decision to do the deed. For instance, if you agree to meet somewhere in private; if the pursuer comes by when the significant other is not there and the person in the relationship lets them in with the thought of having a rendezvous it's no accident. I don't think a person trips and falls between another person's legs….actions lead up to the deception. I have been cheated on and while I loved the guy with all of my heart, I left him. To this day, he has no idea why. He doesn't know that I walked in on him and quietly left, never looking back.

    If there are problems in the relationship, it is never resolved by introducing another person into the equation. A commitment isn't a suggestion that you honor the person that you're with if you feel like it. No one is forced to make a commitment. If you think it's not something that you can do, fine. Not everyone is meant for it, so be honest…..with yourself. I do believe that it would be more difficult for men to forgive and someone alluded to it earlier. I've heard men said they wouldn't forgive it because another man has been inside their woman. Possessive? Yep, I think it's an ego thing more than a betrayal. Women view it more as a betrayal of the commitment. Of course, I'm speaking in broad generalities, it's different for everyone. However, women have been socialized to keep the family together….like it's her job alone. Men have been given permission to (in effect) walk away from the family. I know too many men who leave one family, create another and totally forget about the first one. I think it's their way of cleaning the slate, starting over….which is an incredibly selfish thing to do….but that's a whole 'nother post.

    • ThatMarika says:

      I totally agree with you! You brought up some really great points that people should consider. Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone. I have been cheated on too quite a bit. It's the worst feeling ever, even when you have not been intimate with them like that. It's the betrayal and the deception that you thought you were the only one. And no one HAS to commit to anyone just like they don't HAVE to cheat… you are right. We all make choices! You are going to make me make a part two to this! ha!

  12. Benitez says:
    0

    I am and have been forgiving of women who have made this mistake, as a Man I walked in blind to the fact that women would be main ones in my relationships to step out. It was always with the belief that they would do it to me before I did it to them in most cases. Like it was some time of competition of sorts not to be the first one hurt. It is often in the beginning of relationship when someone may not feel as secure as you think they are and the rest of the time just plain being naive. Men in generally always have intentions regardless if a women doesn't think they do. It's about do you allow someone the opportunity to redeem themselves or is the "Betrayal" to great then the Love or Lack their off from them.

    After several relationships I only found that women who I had given a second chance where not equally as willing to move forward if I flirted with the idea. The last one broke up with me several times just thinking I was with someone else, which wasn't true to I finally decided it was best to date someone else. Of course they came back one last time, but I failed to share that person thinking this will only last until again someone was faced with the choice could they forgive and forget and by no means did they last longer then I expected. Men and Women who have been hurt carry these feelings around and project them on their next relationship and thought they say they won't they often cause this Distrust to Manifest info their current or future relationships. I hope to always give someone a second chance, but the only thing most men concern themselves with if she did it once, perhaps this Child may not be mine and you can't take the Lie or betrayal back or forgive it. The original reason men Married Virgins to make sure they were raising a child of their own. Now it's just a after thought, we are more concerned with STDS.

    • ThatMarika says:

      Yes, I think cheating is a HUGE betrayal that is very hard to forgive esp this day and age. A full on affair is even harder because then emotions ere involved. I too have forgiven but I found ore time than not the person will do it again because now they know they can get away with it with you. Now you are putting yourself in jeopardy in the name of love in which the other person has not!

  13. Anonymous says:
    0

    Actually, women, are easily tempted to walk away from the family, especially if she's working outside the home or doing errands as well because it's easy for other men to tempt her, while the man keeps the family together since he is the provider. And women who do that face social stigmas like being called a slut, whore, tease, skank, c**t, etc. and even violence from the man or her manstress (male lover). It's common, especially here in America. Too many women have been stigmatized, beaten, raped, kidnapped, or killed for cheating. It's common, especially when women cheat with gigolos, male escorts, male models, or strippers. On top of that, men divorce as well and get custody of the children. So if you women want to cheat on your man, be careful and hide it so he won't catch you. Most men will dump or kill. In other words, I heard men take cheating a lot harder because the woman might be pregnant by her manstress's child. So it's best for you women to try cheating online, like in an online video game instead but not on Facebook because your man might catch you if you accidentally post it, especially in a game like It Girl or the Sims Social, for example. Or, go on an online dating site. Your man probably won't find you. It's much more dangerous for women to cheat because they are risking a lot of hazardous consequences.

    • ThatMarika says:

      Honestly, I would not abandon my children but I would abandon my husband if he cheated on me. I have known women to cheat but it's more emotional and if a man understands that the questions is (unless she is the kind that is unattached to sex) can he deal with that? Women often take men back because men generally don't have emotional sex… perhaps with their wife, but others most times it's just sex unless it's a fully on affair. It's easier to deal with that than the emotional part of cheating, I think. For me it's hard for me to fathom any part of cheating b/c I feel like he didn't care enough about my well-being (as dangerous as it is) to stay faithful. If he was emotionally cheating (no sex) I would forgive him and figure out what I am not giving him for him to form an emotional attachment to someone else.

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  17. scorpio with leo says:
    0

    I'm in a relationship with a man I've been with for two years. He cheated several times and I forgave him but still feel bitter about the trust between us. Now he is thinking about marriage and how he wants to settle down. Any women would jump to this, not me. I told him I wanted to wait and he thinks that there is a problem. Auh yeah…my trust and confidence in this relationship is not there. He won't let me go, thinking we can work it out. I'm at a point in my life where I just want to move on and be happy. He knows he's on his last straw so now he wants to put on some act right. I'm disinterested in this relationship to the point I'm just waiting for him to screw up so I can throw up the deuce.

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