So I am on my phone as usual skimming through my Facebook home stream to see how everyone is doing and what interesting things people are posting. And I look, look, look… maybe longer than I normally do (knowing I have other things to do) and then I see “I Told My Boyfriend I’m Transgender”! Woah!!! At this point I stare at the title for a while, still knowing I have tons of things to do. Then, I saw one of my male friends write, “Amazing story” within the post. Ahhh…. the temptation got me and I readily clicked on the link to read the article. First, before even reading I checked out the pictures posted throughout her story and thought, “Wow, this chick is beautiful… she couldn’t have been born a man….no way!” After many other thoughts ran through my head for maybe about fifteen minutes I scrolled back up to the top of the page and started reading. I probably read it about three times in deep thought trying to categorize and configure my emotions into clear thoughts because I knew without a doubt I was going to, finally after months of not writing, write an article in response to hers.
So I Wrote…
It took me two days to be able to write about this and be able to articulate how I really felt reading her story. In between that time I decided to post it on my fan page to see what other people thought within my circle. What I will say is that every person that read it and commented was touched but it did create some controversy. I mean it’s definitely a sensitive topic.
As I was reading it, there were moments I would stop because I just wanted to talk to her, I wished I could and then by the end I wanted to give her a hug, well actually I was the one that needed the hug. I am sure there is not one person that has read or watched someone’s story and came to some sort of crossroads dealing with his or her own life, right? Maybe you had some sort of revelation or perhaps came to terms with some things you didn’t really want to but really needed to. Basically, you connected with the story teller.
My Connection to Her…
In a number of moments I connected with her in ways I never thought I would and especially with a trans woman. In the beginning, I read it as if she never was a man, then I was forced to read it as if she was a man which scared me a bit. As I read, I got nervous, then I got mad, and then I got sad. Throughout her article, I probably felt pretty much every emotion I could feel, I just listed the main ones. I felt so many emotions and played out so many stories that I can’t possibly write it in one article. So let me speed it up to when she started forming her story around meeting her now boyfriend– I will go more in detail in a series of blogs I will write on this.
Anyway, she started that story at the golden year of 2009. I call it “golden” in my little sarcastic voice because it was the year I officially broke it off with the love of my life that I was going to marry. Her story started Easter of that year hanging out with friends taking shots getting tipsy looking for men, while most likely I was doing the same thing disastrously trying to forget about men and one in particular; with it, by the way, all boiling down to who I still believe is a trans woman. Well she was basically the camel that broke our relationship’s back. Ironic isn’t it? So then I went through those emotions that most of you probably couldn’t even fathom, but trust me as necessary as it was, it still wasn’t fun.
As the article went on with meeting the love of her life and starting this beautiful romance with him, I then went back to reading it as if she was born a woman, but even when I was reminded that she wasn’t I read it as her being a real person with real feelings and emotions very much like a woman’s. I started understanding how someone can be born a boy but have legit girl characteristics to the core not just on the surface. Of course, at that point my anger had subsided and I started feeling empathy and joy for her new found romance with this man. The empathy came when I knew she had to tell this man the truth of who she really was, much like when most of us have a truth we will have to tell someone that we are falling in love with whether it’s our crazy family background, a health issue, or something that we did that is still haunting us in our present. It’s what most of us call “baggage”. Calling it a “truth” is just so much better, in my opinion. Well of course, before she got to her moment of telling him my mind ran wild, so I paused and thought about truths I might have to tell in that moment that would break the bond I had formed with this man I was falling for. Then, my sadness began.
Then My Emotional Roller Coaster Began…
For the purpose of explaining my emotions further, I must quote her boyfriend. First understand I am fast forwarding to her going thru the motions of telling him to actually spitting it out. Okay… so his response was “Can I hug you?”…. then I just busted out crying. That was it! I couldn’t read anymore (in that moment) because it took me back when I had to tell a man in my life my truth and he asked the same exact thing, motioning to do it anyway while as she also stated in her article “And it was then that I went into the ugly cry”. It obviously was a different truth but same moment, where I then connected with her. Unfortunately, unlike her I didn’t end up with the guy but it definitely was a moment I wished I could share with my soul mate, if he exists.
The Bittersweet Ending…
Once I was able to continue reading, her story become bittersweet for me. I went into that ugly “why not me” mode. Here I am reading a story about a trans woman that is telling the love of her life that he is not been dating someone that was born a woman but someone that was born a man, which to me is a pretty severe “truth” yet I tell my (what I feel) less severe truth and don’t get the guy in the end. Now, negative thoughts start pouring thru like “Damn, I am doomed, there obviously is not hope for me when it comes to love.” It took me about two days which is why I could write this to think more positively like “Damn, I am blessed because I am loved and maybe there is a man out there for me after all.” Besides, if there is a man that can still accept her for her “truth” then there has to be a guy out there for me that can accept me for my “truth”. Thus, bringing back my emotions to pure joy for her and what’s to come for me in the future.
To Read the full story click “I Told My Boyfriend I’m Transgender”.
Wow, pretty amazing story and it does go against societal standards, but for me that's great. I believe being authentic and walking in ones truth is the best way to live.
Thank you! Her story yes is amazing. I have more to come with this one but I will not do overkill and let it breath a little before I do another one. hehe
Yes! Be authentic but we all are a better self when we first meet someone and then we let it hang loose but I do believe something like this should be told up front. That goes for if you have an STD you can't get rid of. It's not good to go around telling every person you date but when you see the person really getting into you before it gets too deep, I think a talk should be had.
You know i shared this story with a female friend, and it turned into almost anger…like How could s/he lead him on for so long. Like the phrase you said that you want someone to except you for who you are. We all struggle with our own "Truth" or secrets. Though as a man I couldn't take on such a burden as I heart my female friend rant how unfair it was to take away a "Good man". In that respect no women I have known has kept a good man not because they didn't deserve it, it's because they didn't believe a "Good Man" Exist. There are a range of emotions I feel for the people in the story, because they found someone who would except them and not judge them and that we can all relate. A Man without saying wants a family and children to call his own. Except the most important part is who do you raise the children with a partner or someone you Love. Someone who shares the same morals and values and has something no one else can claim. As we are faced with a ever growing past, men and women are simple afraid to tell the "Truth" will it be to late or to soon or to much for one person to handle. We have grown to except that people will take the easiest way out. You don't want to fall in Love with a perfect stranger you want to put all your cards on the table to save yourself from long term heart break. I've been in Love so I know what it means to want someone to except me for who I am…. I am troubled by the thought it was always perceived that I was someone that am not. The "Bad Guy" or the last person who broke their heart. I can't give myself anymore then I have…I know simply say like scripture that "I am who I am" take me or leave me….there can be only one "Truth" or True Love.
BRM
So with that said…. (what you said)… How would you have responded if you were him?
This article proves the old adage that there is someone for EVERYONE. We all have our baggage, our issues, our dirty secrets that – told to the wrong person – could ruin how we're seen…but when these things are shared with the right person – the one that's actually FOR us, it only brings you closer together. The trick to this, however, is to be able to be open to that experience and to that other person…even if they may not be in quite the package you expected them to be. For the author of this article, she got exactly what she wanted…a handsome man who loved her for her, regardless of her past. For the man, he was open…truly open…to loving that person, regardless of what her past was. Is it rare? Yes. Is it impossible? No. For you, dear friend, it is imperative that you deal with whatever past demons are still haunting you, whatever bad dates/boy(girl)friends/ex-fiances/etc. so that you too can be open for that experience…
Good Advice. I am working on that for sure. And that was the theme that ran thru my head "Someone for everyone" I had to accept that after I went thru the "Why not me, what am I doing wrong syndrome." So I might be 50 before I meet that person but it is detrimental that I believe he is out there!
I have had the privilege of meeting quite a few transgender folks and I can tell you they have very unique visibility into social behaviour. Try going as another gender in Second Life or world of warcraft just to try it on for size and this will prove the concept to you if you don't have the purse or chutzpah for the real pursuit of gender crossing.
I am curious to know the social behavior… can you share some examples?
Keep on giving more article..
Awww thank you sir! I will… I have to catch up. I am four months behind. I will finish an article I was working on a month ago and then post one a story a friend submitted too. Thank you for being so patient.
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[...]b Such an excellent write-up! No idea how you were able to write this post..i td[...]…
I have difficulties to understand this, if such transgender persons exists, I mean..