Often we take breakups personal. I mean, it is personal because it happened to you. However, if you really think about the factors that ended it, most of the time you will come to the conclusion that you and/or the other person just does not have it together yet. If you focus on that being the cause than you being it or the other person, you will begin to accept it. It’s easier on the breakup if you place blame on the situation than the people involved.
Sometimes it’s just that— you were not ready. You are not even ready for the real world even if you are living in it. When you are in a serious relationship, you often think of marriage and that is a part of life you really must be prepared for. You must be able to step up to the plate and handle adult decisions with that person. But you have to know how to deal with adult decisions by yourself first.
It can work if you are just learning in the real world, but I think it takes a special couple to learn together and grow in the same direction with the same ideals. This also makes for a relationship with a rough road ahead. I do believe sometimes love conquers.
However, I just love it when I ask a guy “Why are you single?” and he explains “Well, because I am not financially stable yet.” That’s very mature, and that is a part of being prepared for life– tho there is more to it than that. Not only should you be financially ready for life, but you gotta be mentally ready too.
Sometimes there’s resentment and envy if you are dating someone that is prepared and you are seemingly lagging behind—you want to get someone equal to you in your stage of life and mindset. It’s significantly important to understand that. It’s also important for the other person to understand that as well. It’s good to know each other long enough to find out what stages of life the two are in and if it will match. If you are not even close to where you want to be in life, you really have no business getting serious with anyone. It will only be the beginning to an end of your relationship in most cases. “Start looking for you and then you can find your better half.”
All Content © 2010 Marika Dye
This is VERY true. Often people are in vastly different places in life, and it's difficult loving someone but knowing they're not in the same place you are. It's also difficult being the one who's "prepared" or ready for commitment/next level thinking and having the other person be the one who's just not there yet. You want to get them there, help them get to where they need to be, but if they're not ready, it's just not going to work. You have to be willing to accept that fact and move on, without malice, without anger, and just accept that it's for the best. You want to be on equal playing ground, and as such, you have to recognize when someone's not there. I had to go through this recently too.
Hardly ever does this happen without anger. Because people get frustrated with resentment and then anger comes thru arguments. I wrote this when I was engaged. It's the realization I came to when it was heading to the demise of our relationship. I learned a lot.