I have this friend that I love dearly; however, she will make plans with me and even confirm but will never show up—no call, no text, no email… NADA! In fact, she does this to everyone. Do you have a friend like this? You might be reading this and saying “Yeah You!” But don’t get this confused with just not being able to come out or saying later, “I can’t come out anymore!” Yes, that is what I sometimes do! But this is not what I am talking about.
I am talking about friends you have that will seem like they are all about coming out (it even was their idea) and then not even answer phone calls or text messages for the remainder of the day. And I mean answer your phone calls, to be exact. Then, maybe you get worried and through investigation you find out they had their phone was with them all damn day. Like perhaps you find out from a mutual friend that this person has been texting or even calling them throughout the day or you decide to check on them personally and consequently see them even holding the damn phone in their hand. Most of the time these people will say, “Oh no! I didn’t even see your calls or hear the phone!” Sound familiar? Trust me, they heard the phone. I personally think that this kind of behavior is rude. However, this kind of behavior seems to be common.
So listen up rude people! It is inconsiderate to make plans with someone and then not even call to cancel, because you have no idea what the other person has planned around your time together. They might have actually canceled plans for you. So that you know, I have had to even learn this with making plans to call people. I am admittedly the worst at calling people even when I say I will unless you are talking about putting me to work or there is an emergency. I have to literally make a schedule for my calls. But when it comes to meeting with someone, you can pretty much count on me being there if I made that obligation. Now, I know with everyone being busy, if plans are made way in advance it’s easy to forget. That is why confirming is so important.
Just don’t have someone confirm and you accept and still don’t make it. At this point you are just being plain boorish . Also, if you make this a habit, people will not ask you to come out anymore and you will be put in a category of friends marked “shit list”. I personally often do not confirm plans because I know how far I live, how much gas is, and how much time I really don’t have, unfortunately. If I lived closer to all my friends and associates then it would be easier to confirm plans with them. If you have situations like kids, location, husband etc, that keep you from really being able to make concrete plans then it’s best not to. And if you just decide you don’t feel like going out anymore you should just tell them. I think everyone is entitled to their moods. True friends would not force you to keep plans if you really don’t feel up to it for whatever reason. Just be honest, it’s better than using the avoidance tactic. It will make everyone’s life and relationships easier.
All Content © 2011 Marika Dye
I find this behavior to be totally unacceptable. Ive had someone do this to me before and then they called the next day like nothing even happened. After that I flat out stop talking to the person, really whats the point? While this person silently canceled plans, there behavior screamed YOU"RE JUST NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.
I still talk to my friend that does this religiously. But I know I am important to her, just she is very forgetful esp ever since she had her son— it's gotten worse. But she has done a lot for me and has been there for me in my darkest times so she gets a pass. And I don't think I would catch her having her phone– if she said she didn't get the call it means that her son probably was screaming in her ear really loud and drowned out the ringer. I just know when some people do that I put them in a different friend category and learn to expect that's what they do.
I personally need to work on phone calling. It's a huge challenge for me!
"I still talk to my friend that does this religiously. "
You are much better than I am. When people do the no call, no show, they are telling me that me, my time and our plans are not that important. Not that I need to be the center of attention but if one is a friend of mine, I expect more than this. For me, there would be do doing this "religiously".
That's why I try not to get pressure into making definite plans especially with calling. You make a plan to meet with me I am not standing you up but calling is so hard because my phone rings ALL day and I have little time for me time so I try not to say I will def call you at. I try to get people to use my tungle… that was working out really good cause then al my calls were scheduled nicely and I knew exactly when to call people. I usually like to tell people to just call me and I will make sure to answer. I am not a phone person.
Whether it's a date or a social engagement among friends, people get to pull these shenanigans ONE time with me……the 2nd time is not an option. I deserve the respect that I give and I don't do the no call, no show thing, it's disrespectful. I expect more from my friends, it could be why I don't have many but the ones I have are amazing…including yourself, Marika.
Awww thanks girl. I try to be there for my friends as much as I can but I think a lot of times people are spread thin… myself included so they forget. The issue that prompted me to write this was that a friend of mine made plans with this woman and she went to see if she was okay (because she was not answering her calls all day) and she saw her with the phone RIGHT NEXT TO HER. When she asked "Did you remember we planned to go to _____ today." She answered "Oh! I didn't hear the phone." What?!? And not only that when she said why are you mad…. I guess she told her why and she told her she was overreacting. That's just insensitive to me.
I have had this occur so many times. What I find is they are unreliable acquaintances! I do not even consider the person as a friend. However, I accept the person for who they are. I am the type of person who typically got cancelled on even with confirmed plans; so my policy is always go have fun with or without them! And if they ask to do something again, I say "I'll let you know." and eventually, they figure out I'm not interested after all.
Yeah, for me it depends on the friend. The friend I am referring to was very reliable but now that she had her baby her mind is just not on it sometimes. She will answer the phone and be like "Oh no! I forgot… I am so sorry." I just don't bank on her coming out and so when she begs me to come out because I live so far, I just will say no and see her spontaneous if we are in the same area at the same time. I don't make plans with her. I do that with everyone else in my life if that happens. I know with me because I live so far people get tired of me saying I can't come out but I'd rather say that than stand them up!