So, knowing that men think about sex about 96 percent of the time, I thought maybe I should pose the question more publically. However, I also wonder how other women feel about this subject as well because once I put into my mind that a guy is my friend then pretty much he won’t be coming outside that “friend box” no matter how attractive he is– well, maybe if alcohol is involved (haha). It’s how I fix my mind to think. For the most part if I ended up dating my “friend” I probably had other thoughts in my head when we first met and it just never went away no matter how hard I tried. Remember I am a Scorpio. 
So I have a couple surveys I would like you to participate in. This will be fun I promise.
In conclusion:
When women have an attraction a friend, it’s usually more than just sex. That’s what makes us different from men because I think with men its more the opposite. We put a bit of emotion into it especially since we have gotten to know you in a way that we feel no one else does or not many do. So instead of us just wanting sex, we want a relationship. Maybe we even fell in love or want to. Secret: Some of us hope that sex will make the relationship. It’s our master-plan.
Please if you have stories about a platonic friend please share. I’d like this blog to get really interactive.
All Content © 2010 Marika Dye
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Lol voted. Ive had this conversation before with my boys. My motto is no one is my sister BUT my sister. I don't think sex ruins a relationship , selfishness does.
Most of the time…most of the time, I have found that even if they always remain friends, guy/girl friendships include an element of physical attraction.
If they are attracted to each other. Or is that different with men? Like if you had a female friend TOTALLY NOT your type… would you still find some sort of attraction in her?
I don't know exactly how to answer that. And it was a female friend that first pointed it out to me. Maybe it's just me, but I notice that pretty much all of my female friends I am attracted to. Although, there are exceptions now that I am older I must admit.
Yes I do have a sister, I don't think sex ruins a friendship either. If it does then maybe you guys really weren't friends.
Okay it makes sense. I feel it ruins a friendship for so many reasons. I speak from experience. We really aren't friends anymore. We might still love and care for each other but now as a woman he knows me more than I feel like he should have if we didn't have plans to be together. That is MY fault because I allowed it but it does take a while for the awkwardness to go away if we decide not to date anymore. Or if we did date. In my experience, after crossing the line we then try to date and it doesn't work and makes things weird for a bit. It's strange for him to talk about women to me and strange for me to talk about other men to him like I did before. Just my thoughts!
I agree with you 100% Marika! (And yes I too am a SCORPIO
) I have always had more guy friends than girls as friends (I maybe have 3 women in my life that I consider friends, and I can’t completely trust 2 of them-women are 2-faced backstabbers in my experience!). I love my guy friends like a brother but have found out that most of them hope to one day be with me (sex and relationship, but they are ok with just sex if I don’t want a relationship!) Anyway, I’ve ruined a couple past friendships by allowing the guy friend to add “benefits”, believing (mistakenly) the sex would seal the deal on a relationship. Instead, I felt used & betrayed, became jealous when he talked about other girls as attractive, and things got awkward awhile, and the friendship was never ever the same again.
I guess when I always thought my sleeping in the same bed with my guy friends was platonic and innocent and sweet, that HE had other thoughts…
Soooo now I am relationship-free and CELIBATE the past 18 months, learning about me and my codependency that ruled my life for 20 years. and know what? For the first time in my life, I’m doing me, and I don’t need a relationship to be whole, I am happy & less stressed without one (as long as I don’t fall back into any benefits with my guy friends I’m good!) I am focusing on my passion, Writing, without drama & distractions & sacrifices that my relationships always seemed to entail.
Sorry I am late seeing this topic on your site!! “Better late than never…but never late is better” Love & Light…Lisa @Scorpiol13
Thanks Lisa! Scorpios Rock! I have a lot of female friends but I have a lot of male friends too. I feel like people are back stabbers in general with it not being a male female thing. Women yes are caddy and jealous but men can be a problem in ways too. So it's a toss up. There are things I love about my female relationships just as I do my male. I do often wonder if they like me because they are attracted to me (even some female) or because I am an all around cool gal. I like the latter much better. In this day in age, I wonder how platonic I am even with some of my female friends so I guess nowadays this doesn't have to be a male to female thing. There are women out here that friend other women with the thought of being with them. This issue exists. It's actually an article I want to post soon. I am glad you are celibate so am I. It's such a carefree life isn't it? Thanks for sharing your story and your thoughts. It's so much appreciated. Sorry I am late on responding, been traveling for work a lot.
There is no friendship between man and woman.
You really believe that? You have no friends that are females?
Yes sure that I believe in that.
The reality is simple if you are two people who aren't related and find one another attractive you are either in denial that when you get close you thought about it or completely naive they haven't. We may not both think one another is sexually attractive, in some cases not intellectually, but the closer you get to the opposite sex your either deeper in the friend zone or falling for them. Now it has ruined many friendships, but sometimes not knowing just when you think it won't happen it just might.
In denial… hahahaa that's funny. But perhaps very true. I guess I have been. I don't know if he likes me… maybe he doesn't know if I do because I am trying to "act" platonic. Doesn't really come out until alcohol is involved most times. LOL
For me to be truly attracted to a man and keep the attraction he has to be intellectual first and foremost. I am one of those you have to get mentally first. I see attractive men all of the time but that could be another topic altogether.
What may happen? Deeper in the friend zone or falling for your friend? I think if this is so true and people are naive about it, what happens when they do get into a relationship? Is it fair for the other person to always wonder why their partner has many friends of the opposite sex? And what may happen? When in a relationship, you must respect the other persons feelings and not put yourself in that position where something could potentially turn into something more. If the roles are reversed and the female has many male friends, I don't think the guy would see things the same way.
You are right guys would NOT see things the same way. Though I have had some guys say differently. ha… *all talk*. You hit a nerve when you said respect the other persons feelings… most people don't think about something possibly happening romantically if they remain friends and spend time with that person outside of the person they are supposed to be with. It hit a nerve because I had someone in my life I tried to explain that to. Had he followed what you are saying we would still be together. Some people in general, either don't get it or don't want to get it!
I know that if your a human being socially your going to interact with the opposite sex, that doesn't mean you have to hook up with them or inter a romantic relationship. If you know someone's past and secrets you can say without a doubt you "Love" them without meaning you want to be in a relationship beyond that and that's something your partner just has to trust or believe. Positions to get hurt are something we all do, anytime you tell someone you care about them weather it's more as a friend or not. Double Standards exist only if you have never has a jealous Girlfriend or Boyfriend. They are no longer a double standard if they show you that they dated the friend(s) in question. Then their just in denial or misleading someone that started once and never stopped being a "Just friends"
Finishing my thought, because men and women are animals but unlike animals we have rationality, even if this rationality often fails us or we ignore it, rationality is a search through the use of logic to arrive at the truth .
We SHOULD be rational at a least! LOL
Yeah things kinda change when you get older!
Not so for all.
Yeh you are right!
I have observed that many times…A guy will be placed into the Friend Zone Slot…Until such time as a Woman decides what to ultimately do with him, or to allow him to surreptitiously pursue her under the guise of being "Just a Buddy" or to keep some backup Guys in place in case her primary relationship fails.. An ex-friend actually had a "Fan Club" of Guys willing to do, or get anything she asked for. But when call out on it …she claimed "Oh they are just Friends!!"..Why are you so suspicious and insecure?? LOL
I actually have the opposite happen. I place a girl into the friend zone without realizing she wants more. I have had girls confess their attraction years after the fact. I prefer to get to know someone before dating anyway. Pisces never do things the right way, though.
My first love is a Pisces. So yeah… never do it right. hehe
Happy Belated Birthday btw. Anyway, it's funny that you said that cause I just posted that to the person above your comment that I have had guys do that to me that I think probably knew I liked them and kept me as a friend to build up their ego. But I have been on your side too but after a certain time that I am sure I let them know. I don't like to lead people on.
Your friendship is as platonic as your actions.
We have innumerable desires in life. The fact that we choose not to act upon them does not negate their existence. It is our experience, wisdom and enlightenment that cause us to exchange the pleasure of the flesh for something of higher value.
Knowing that, I'd ask you: if you could have your cake and eat it to, would you? Of course you would. Any human being would. But in this case, the odds are quite stacked that you can't have both, so you struggle with the value of each.
I think just about anyone would agree that for men, the value of each is more balanced, hence troublesome. We struggle more between them. The priority of desires with which nature has programmed us is different than that of women. Women can mother 1.4 children per year; men can father multiple children per day. Because of this, women are programmed to consider and accept the best possible candidate, whereas men are programmed to recognize and desire all viable candidates.
Throughout human history, women and men have held all sorts of bitterness with one another because of this difference. Enlightenment has allowed us to gain rational understanding and to even make our priorities more similar, but after 2.5M years, it's still there. I don't see it ever disappearing altogether.
So, "would" a man? The answer is yes, but that is merely a thought, not an action. Does he know that he shouldn't? For most, the answer is yes, for we are now rational, enlightened beings. WILL he? For many, the answer is NO. They are enlightened enough to understand that it may (and often will) put at risk something of higher value. It's pretty common knowledge now that you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Still, there is no straight man who can look upon a beautiful women and not hear his instincts call. Being her friend and admiring/respecting her as a person probably makes it echo more loudly, not less. The enlightened man, however, merely chooses not to respond. And his instincts force him to make that choice over and over and over again.
So, your friendship is as only as platonic as your actions.
Good point but sometimes people take certain actions the wrong way. Then, where are you?
When that happens the other person likes you and you don't like them that way and then in a lot of cases the friendship goes on a break or ends all together.
Your friendship is as platonic as your actions.
We have innumerable desires in life. The fact that we choose not to act upon them does not negate their existence. It is our experience, wisdom and enlightenment that cause us to exchange the pleasure of the flesh for something of higher value.
Knowing that, I'd ask you: if you could have your cake and eat it to, would you? Of course you would. Any human being would. But in this case, the odds are quite stacked that you can't have both, so you struggle with the value of each.
I think just about anyone would agree that for men, the value of each is more balanced, hence troublesome. We struggle more between them. The priority of desires with which nature has programmed us is different than that of women. Women can mother 1.3 children per year, for a finite number of years; men can father multiple children per day for quite a few decades. Because of this, women are programmed to desire and accept only the best possible candidate, whereas men are programmed to recognize and at least consider if not desire all viable candidates.
Throughout human history, women and men have held all sorts of bitterness with one another because of this difference. Enlightenment has allowed us to gain rational understanding and to even make our priorities more similar, but after 2.5M years, it's still there. I don't see it ever disappearing altogether.
So, "would" a man? The answer is yes, but that is merely a thought, not an action. Does he know that he shouldn't? For most, the answer is yes, for we are now rational, enlightened beings. WILL he? For many, the answer is NO. They are enlightened enough to understand that it may (and often will) put at risk something of higher value. It's pretty common knowledge now that you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
Still, there is no straight man who can look upon a beautiful women and not hear his instincts call. Being her friend and admiring/respecting her as a person probably makes it echo more loudly, not less. The enlightened man, however, merely chooses not to respond. And his instincts force him to make that choice over and over and over again.
So, your friendship is as only as platonic as your actions.
For most men, physical attraction usually looms somewhere in the back of the mind. With that being said, it doesn't make us a bad person, and it doesn't even mean that is his motive or first thought. It's just something that we notice and our instinct picks up on. I can only speak about men though. I haven't a clue what you women have going on in your head! lol Jai makes a valid point about the FriendsZone though. But then again, if that's not the dude's ulterior motive, then it's not a problem anyhow.
What goes on in our head is if we get to know you (and you are great) and you are attractive things do fester around in our head. We just deal with those thoughts differently than men do. But it does happen. Crushes on friends with women definitely happen.
My two cents…
This is sort of a loaded question, honestly. This clearly depends on the attraction between the men and the woman in question. If men find the woman attractive and desirable, of COURSE they're going to say yes, given the opportunity. If there's no physical attraction there, then yes, men and women can just be friends.
Anyone with eyes in their head can see the author of this post is attractive by any standards, so of course the vast majority of men are going to say yes when asked that question. It would be different if the people involved looked like wildebeests to each other; clearly that would be no attraction and life could go on as platonic.
If I'm not attracted to a woman, for whatever reasons, I'm not going to pursue anything more than a friendship with her. I have several platonic female friends that I have no attraction and no interest in. They're wonderful people, but I don't want anything more than friendship with them, and vice versa, and that's fine.
Is there anything wrong with men being attracted to women? I hope not. Is there anything wrong with friends being attracted to each other? Only if their motives in friendship are deceitful in trying to get in close to attempt that relationship leap.
Awww yeah…. there is nothing wrong with men being attracted to their female friend but yes like you said when it becomes a motive of using the friendship to get me to fall in love when they know I probably never will is when it gets tricky and quite frankly it makes women feel uncomfy unless you are dealing with a woman that likes to play with that idea just for an ego boost. Even then that's not how you conduct a friendship in my opinion. When you start falling for your friend you start treading on very thin ice. All I can say is be careful.
Marika… you know how MUCH I've been friend zoned… I was friend zoned HARD!!
But the thing is, takes me a while to figure out if I like you as more than a friend. As you know I had a HUGE crush on CS, but what you didn't know was that when we first met, I didn't even THINK she was attractive. And that's AFTER I saw her naked at the shoot. LOL! Anyway, took like 8 months or a year before i even started liking her. Same with our OTHER mutual friend. Took a while for me to think of her that way. Just have to have some conversation first… which doesn't always get like that.
What made you like her more than a friend?
And yes, I have been friend zoned a lot too. It's okay! It's God weeding the people out!
Her honesty, sense of humor, candor, earnestness, heart… BOTh friends actually. It's weird to me tho because pretty much the SAME thing happened both times when we first met. And then pretty much the SAME thing happened as we got to know each other. All those conversations made them more attractive to me. And the more time went on, I started to like them like that.
Be careful… you can have a lot of conversations with people but they must match their actions too. I have to remind myself of that often. But it's nice how you notice things like that about people.
nothing wrong with friends but just friends are basically cats tryna get outta the bag. alcohol is involved? lol. vitamin a.. vitamin b… vitamin d?
You are funny! Just friends are cats trying to get out of the bag? That's a first hahaha.
The term "platonic friendship" is weirdly used. People talk as if it means no sexual attraction. When he talked about friendship, Plato did not mean friends were not sexually attracted. He thought they shouldn't act sexually. Plato knew people could have deep emotions for each other and desire for union. He thought sex was a way of acting out these emotions and the longing for union. However, he believed it was nobler to find intellectual union of souls. (And that same-sex friends should never have sexual acts"Only touch him as you would your son.") Basically he thought, even if there were strong emotions, the friends are better off with a spiritual than a physical union.
I guess it's an issue because we are in a very sexual era and when people THINK or FEEL sexually they act on it… especially when there is alcohol or vulnerabilities. But I loved your take on this and I learned a lot. Thank you!
I've heard the same things. While I figured my guy friends would never under any circumstances even look at me in that way, other guys have told me, that yeah they all do. In fact, I found out recently at a friend's funeral that all of the friends always wanted to get w/me but no one ever did. It's a bad feeling thinking your friends were never really your friends, but then again…maybe funerals just bring out everyones' emotional sides. I don't know, but I'm leaving it up to the guys. If you want to be more than friends you better have the balls to say something. Otherwise, I'm pretty clueless.
Haha girl! I am pretty clueless too but some guys I would wish they not tell me. LMAO
Then it makes things weird. But then I guess it's hard for them not saying anything too. Tricky situation there. I know cause I have had a crush on a guy friend before and I had to keep my mouth shut cause I didn't think he would even try to go there. I do think a funeral or a wedding can bring out some things, for sure. But you are also a very attractive lady in more than one way so of course you might want to investigate to see how many of your guy friends like you more than just a friend.
Platonic relationships are possible, but the truly pure and authentic types are as rare as the hope diamond. Once the lines from the platonic to the intimate have been crossed, the dynamic is forever changed and can no longer be classified as such.
Yes from my experience the dynamic IS forever changed and most times for the bad. You either stay friends with that "elephant" in between you. Then, you wonder if you are really ever gonna be just friends. Or you end up dating and breaking up and then never friends again. Or friends again later down the road but with it never getting back to like it was. Or one wants to date and the other doesn't so then you are left with "where do we go from here". Or you are sex buddies that never leads into love which most times becomes a confusing and sometimes disrespectful feeling friendship.
I am a woman and have a guy friend that I have been hanging out for over 6 months now and really getting to know alot about him. At first I was not really attracted to him however after getting to know him better and his personality, I am beginning to feel an attraction to him and would like to move from the Friend Zone but I don't know if he feels the same for me. I am an attractive woman (if I do say so myself). Sometimes he sends mixed signals….he does sometimes talk about women he thinks are cute and he talks to just to make conversation and stuff like that. I kind get jeleous but don't let him know and just keep talking to him about recent friends I've met and about guy who have asked for my number and he seems a little bit upset….and asks me if I gave them my number or not. I'm confussed does he want more than just friendship or not. He calls me and hangs out with me ALL THE TIME. No intimacy in our relationship.
This clearly depends on the attraction between the men and the woman in question. If men find the woman attractive and desirable, of COURSE they're going to say yes, given the opportunity. If there's no physical attraction there, then yes, men and women can just be friends. physical attraction usually looms somewhere in the back of the mind. With that being said, it doesn't make us a bad person, and it doesn't even mean that is his motive or first thought. It's just something that we notice and our instinct picks up on.
Most of the time, I have found that even if they always remain friends, guy/girl friendships include an element of physical attraction. Platonic relationships are possible, but the truly pure and authentic types are as rare as the hope diamond. This totallt depends on the attraction between the men and the woman.
For most part you are right but the root base of friendship between guy/girl is attraction… may be intellectual sometime and most of the time its physical attraction. Not all guys are that bad, only thing is that they most of the time get attracted to good looking girls. And whole part depend on what type of relationship they carry in between.