The big question is whether it is possible to date someone or be successful in a marriage if you date someone with different values. Having values is thought to be a positive attribute. If you date someone with the same values as you that’s great but the issue is what will you learn? And also, how will you grow? Imagine your next 50-60 years with someone that is just like you. If you so happen to find someone dynamically different than you, there should be beauty found in that to build on. When a guy that had been married 60 years was asked “What is your marriage’s staying power?” he answered “Understanding that people are different and so is my mate; therefore, we must accept that, learn from it, and always accommodate your mate when necessary.” Many of us tend to lack those characteristics when dating someone—it cannot be about one person any longer nor pushing them to think exactly like you. That’s just not the answer. I can imagine that marrying a clone of oneself could become rather boring and a disadvantage to your personal growth. Ever-growing with the person you decide to marry is a much more beautiful thought. I love to learn from others, and I anticipate it especially with the men I date.
I enjoyed learning from my last serious relationship by experiencing what it could be like coming from a huge family. It was something I had not experienced in life which permitted me to appreciate the importance of a loving family. In previous relationships, I have learned so much that has rounded me into individual I am today. I love to be with someone with drive but a drive for different things from myself because it makes the relationship more interesting. If you find someone you want to date with the same drive as you that can be powerful, but if you find this great connection with someone that does not have the same drive as you or with the same things, this is your time to teach someone something new by means of empowerment. It is a beautiful thing when you are capable of inspiring your mate.
By knowing this and accepting this, we gain more values to our life that may not have been our core values from childhood that create a better you. We ought to do the same for the others that we have dated or connected with as well. However, we must not accept other people’s unsavory morals because most likely they will not change. If you disagree with your mate’s morals, then you might want to part ways because this is a beginning to an unhealthy relationship that may change you. Besides, if you decide to raise a child with different morals you will have way more conflict than raising a child with different values. You can instill your values combined in a child but it is impossible to instill conflicting morals into a child.
There’s a couple I know of that happens to be different in many ways; nevertheless, I have discovered that they beautifully mesh together because they have a core understanding of each other’s individuality. In addition, they also have the same morals concerning life. This is how I know there is a difference between the two when it comes to relationships. A couple having different values that conflict must have different morals as well. Also, you may be in a relationship with someone that is resistant to change and understanding. I think that often we get into relationships thinking it is just going to be easy, and maybe some relationships are; however, it is becoming more and more difficult to find a good person that you may find “your type” with a connection or chemistry. “That” you will find is quite rare when you are on your search for love. If you find “that”, I think you should be willing to work because anything that is worth having, I believe some requires work. Besides, if you work together as a couple it will make you closer. Nothing of quality comes easy and someone with values and good morals is a quality person you should treasure.
I know I am not in a relationship nor have I had a successful one yet, but I try to keep my eyes open to every gift of learning that has been given to me from each one. And I take those gifts and give them back to people that may need them as well. I have been in enough relationships to realize this. Now, I understand some people with certain values along with certain cultures may be incompatible, however, I have also found in my research on relationships that there are people out there that make it work even with those obstacles because the love is just that unbreakable. Though rare, I honestly still feel that with true love, a couple can conquer it all.
As someone recently reminded me:
“The only love worthy of a name is unconditional.” – John Powell
I think that if we learn to understand that we ALL are different with no exceptions then we will learn to love everyone more and treat our partners of love with more respect and sincerity. And don’t you think it will serve our world better to create people from two people with such diversity between each other?
All Content © 2010 Marika Dye