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Dating Someone with Different Values

Dating Someone with Different Values

Or Dating Someone with Different Morals?

The big question is whether it is possible to date someone or be successful in a marriage if you date someone with different values. Having values is thought to be a positive attribute. If you date someone with the same values as you that’s great but the issue is what will you learn? And also, how will you grow? Imagine your next 50-60 years with someone that is just like you. If you so happen to find someone dynamically different than you, there should be beauty found in that to build on. When a guy that had been married 60 years was asked “What is your marriage’s staying power?” he answered “Understanding that people are different and so is my mate; therefore, we must accept that, learn from it, and always accommodate your mate when necessary.” Many of us tend to lack those characteristics when dating someone—it cannot be about one person any longer nor pushing them to think exactly like you. That’s just not the answer.  I can imagine that marrying a clone of oneself could become rather boring and a disadvantage to your personal growth. Ever-growing with the person you decide to marry is a much more beautiful thought. I love to learn from others, and I anticipate it especially with the men I date.

I enjoyed learning from my last serious relationship by experiencing what it could be like coming from a huge family. It was something I had not experienced in life which permitted me to appreciate the importance of a loving family. In previous relationships, I have learned so much that has rounded me into individual I am today. I love to be with someone with drive but a drive for different things from myself because it makes the relationship more interesting. If you find someone you want to date with the same drive as you that can be powerful, but if you find this great connection with someone that does not have the same drive as you or with the same things, this is your time to teach someone something new by means of empowerment. It is a beautiful thing when you are capable of inspiring your mate.

By knowing this and accepting this, we gain more values to our life that may not have been our core values from childhood that create a better you. We ought to do the same for the others that we have dated or connected with as well. However, we must not accept other people’s unsavory morals because most likely they will not change.  If you disagree with your mate’s morals, then you might want to part ways because this is a beginning to an unhealthy relationship that may change you. Besides, if you decide to raise a child with different morals you will have way more conflict than raising a child with different values. You can instill your values combined in a child but it is impossible to instill conflicting morals into a child.

There’s a couple I know of that happens to be different in many ways; nevertheless, I have discovered that they beautifully mesh together because they have a core understanding of each other’s individuality. In addition, they also have the same morals concerning life. This is how I know there is a difference between the two when it comes to relationships. A couple having different values that conflict must have different morals as well. Also, you may be in a relationship with someone that is resistant to change and understanding. I think that often we get into relationships thinking it is just going to be easy, and maybe some relationships are; however, it is becoming more and more difficult to find a good person that you may find “your type” with a connection or chemistry. “That” you will find is quite rare when you are on your search for love. If you find “that”, I think you should be willing to work because anything that is worth having, I believe some requires work. Besides, if you work together as a couple it will make you closer. Nothing of quality comes easy and someone with values and good morals is a quality person you should treasure.

I know I am not in a relationship nor have I had a successful one yet, but I try to keep my eyes open to every gift of learning that has been given to me from each one. And I take those gifts and give them back to people that may need them as well. I have been in enough relationships to realize this.  Now, I understand some people with certain values along with certain cultures may be incompatible, however, I have also found in my research on relationships that there are people out there that make it work even with those obstacles because the love is just that unbreakable. Though rare, I honestly still feel that with true love, a couple can conquer it all.

As someone recently reminded me:
“The only love worthy of a name is unconditional.” – John Powell
I think that if we learn to understand that we ALL are different with no exceptions then we will learn to love everyone more and treat our partners of love with more respect and sincerity. And don’t you think it will serve our world better to create people from two people with such diversity between each other?

All Content © 2010 Marika Dye

15 Responses to “Dating Someone with Different Values”

  1. Joe says:

    You have a great article here, and it’s definitely thought stimulating. I believe there can be differences in morals, as long as they’re the less sought after morals. But be and my girlfriend have big moral issues. I grew up pretty conservative, and have high biblical morals because that’s what I was brought up with. She was brought up in a family that called themselves Christians, but never taught Christian morals. So she’s relaxed in the worlds view of things, like “Caitlyn” Jenner. And I’m a strong biblical believer. We’ve been together for 2 years already and trying to work it out, but she has an influence from a friend, and I’m stubborn, and firm in my belief. I could wait a little longer and try to work things out, but… She’s been talking to another guy since we’ve been together. Which I was unknowing of until over a year into the relationship. When I first found out, they were in a relationship, at the same time is was with her. As you can imagine, it’s quite trust destructive. She’s made promises not to contact him, and a couple months later I find out they’re still talking. It’s just wearing me out, and she’s starting questioning the validity of the bible. I think it’s been a course run for us. I was hoping I could live with her for the rest of my life, but the differences are all to wide apart.

    • Evelyn says:

      I am in exactly the same boat as you Joe. My morals are based on the Bible because that is how my mother raised me. Unfortunately I am always fighting over morals and beliefs with someone who says he grew up in Christian family but thinks and acts otherwise on things that should be obvious to a devout Christian. I am on the verge of dropping out of this affair because I feel as if it’s draining me and I wouldn’t want to compromise my beliefs to please someone I am not yet married to. It could be a of of work if the relationship progresses into a marriage. So indeed basic core values should be common between two people if a relationship will last. Nice article- thank you.

  2. PHAtl says:

    I find that dating someone with the same values doesn't mean they're the same as you or boring. It just means you share the same baseline. However, where you go from there is based upon each individual's personality.

    • ThatMarika says:

      That's true. I guess I meant the same all across the board according to my experience. I would love to have someone that has different OUTLOOKS (better word) on things. I don't want someone that always agrees with me on everything. I like to grow from different people's prospective. I think that's how you and I got so close. You taught me so much you have no idea. I have grown up so much because of having someone like you in my ife. I would like to find a man that does the same for me with a great love between us.

  3. C. Anthony says:

    There are definitely men out there who would do the same for you and provide you with the love you deserve and desire, who'd treat you with the respect and kindness you seek, and could teach you a thing or two to boot. The question, as with everyone, is whether one is ready to recognize and receive it…especially if it isn't in the particular form you were expecting. Ultimately, though, people have to establish those baseline (I like that word, PHAtl) necessities and beliefs and then see how the people they encounter fit into those…without creating such a rigid mold of expectations.

    • ThatMarika says:

      That's so true. I love what Paige wrote and she is always thinking of clever things like "baseline" ha. I know known her for year.

      Anyway, I really hope I will find someone one day but that I compliment and compliments me. Until then I will keep working on myself and learning things. I love when people like you comment. I only learn and grow to become a wiser woman. xo

      • The key to finding the right one, not the perfect one but the right one is to go in with this in mind: finding the right one is like digging for rocks -> rough diamond that needs to be cared and polish to something usable. Everyone focus on the end product of someone else's relationship. I like what you said about one that compliments you. it's not going to be easy but it's going to be worth journeying through. Hope you find your rough diamond and turn it into the ideal desirable end product.

        • ThatMarika says:

          Awww I hope I do too but if I do, I feel like that will be a prize in itself. However, I no longer focus on that. I wish more people did think of the people they find in relationships as a rare gem. Now that thought is rare these days. It's a great theory!

  4. Sierra says:

    My boyfriend and I have opposite values of EVERYTHING. Its quite a living hell sometimes you argue so much.. He’s so stubborn and its always me giving into his ideas. I don’t think I can live like this forever. To conclude I think its always good to find someone who has basic core values with you, then the little difference don’t matter anymore.. Just don’t find someone who opposes your values as a whole, you’ll have an exhausting relationship

  5. C. Anthony says:

    Having the same values (or at least, similar) is the only way that a long term relationship is going to work. It in no way means the two people are the same…it just means that you have similar belief systems and therefor won't argue on fundamental aspects of your relationship, such as religious beliefs, finances, morality. Those are the things that will often destroy a relationship…people can be vastly different in personality, hobbies, occupations, etc., but if you don't have the same core beliefs, you're most likely headed for disaster.

  6. K. Maraschiello says:

    Great article. My now ex-husband is a Sicilian-Italian Catholic and I'm an African-American raised as a Sunni Muslim. Vastly different religious beliefs, different races and definitely different upbringings but our core values and interests were the bonding factors. We were very happy for many years but his parents and extended family members were not and in the end we were forced into parting.

    Although most could never imagine a union like that could happen to begin with, it did, and it would have remained in tact because we wanted it and worked hard against the odds.

  7. 0

    Keep on giving us more updates..

  8. 0

    That's really a great topic to discuss and that's really important..
    keep on giving us more info..

  9. Tia says:

    I recently had to end a relationship with some based on our differing values. It was just too much for me to deal with. He didn't place the same values on sex that I did, and it made me feel very uncomfortable and we were always in conflict. He would read me as judgmental, and I would read him as untrustworthy. In any case, it would never work and it is sad because we really like each other and are attracted to each other :(

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