Growing up, I always had friends but I also had those that made fun of me. I can’t imagine not having any friends and being bullied like some cases I have seen. I remember moments in the girl’s locker room where I was made fun of. I was never one of those that blossomed in middle school or early high school like some girls did. And I definitely didn’t go against what I was taught and do some of things that the girls in the cool crowd did either. Therefore, kids found those to be good reasons to ridicule me. To say the least, it was not fun but I was able to overcome it.
Though I was blessed to come out of it okay, it’s the others I think about often that didn’t. In most cases, while being bullied, children feel as if their life is in hell and will give anything just to have even a moment out of it. Realize that though bullying hours could last the duration of school time, it also continues emotionally when the child gets home. Therefore, in a child’s mind, oftentimes the only way out is to leave this world completely. But there is no turning back from that and the kids who cause this outcome don’t care. For some, they actually get pleasure out of this and maybe even a greater pleasure than they had while bullying their peer.
Some people would agree that bullying comes from how there are being parented and their home life. Let’s face it, children growing up in hostile environments is increasing yearly. They could be either witnessing abuse in the home or enduring it, so they learn to project that pain onto someone else. It also becomes normal and viewed positively in a child’s mind. They could also have parents that allow them to run the household; therefore, they then feel privileged to act this way in surroundings outside of the household as well. But then, maybe it’s not the household, it could be the influence from other kids. The only way to not be bullied by kids in the “cool crowd” is to be one. It’s like the mean girls theory. However, with this theory there is always a ring leader. Ring leaders could have these common issues mentioned, but let’s look at some less obvious reasons kids bully other kids.
We seldom think of the psychological reasons that cause also cause this. Do we? Well, we should. Once we start finding out what is really going on in the brain or even the body then we might be able to solve some of the issues. We can’t just chuck this up to kids being kids like some people do. These kids grow up to be adults and sometimes get worse. I was watching the E! Story on bullying and a doctor mentioned some of these children having “pleasure chemicals” that prompts them to do this. These chemicals are released when they hit on or make fun of another child thus creating some sort of satisfaction. This alerted me that some of these kids probably have disorders which I then felt needed to be researched further.
The “pleasure chemicals” he was referring to was actually more so an increase of certain hormone that causes aggression. After weeks of researching this, I found that most articles lean more toward explaining why kids are able to be bullied, not why kids bully other kids medically or psychologically. I think that is important to discuss as well, so when I heard the doctor say “Children that bully have pleasure chemicals.” I had to take the time to read every article there was to find out more. Finally, I found an article that learned toward both but gave me some information as to why kids bully with more of an explanation than it’s simply the child’s environment. I wholeheartedly believe that is not always the case especially when you see other siblings in the house not aggressive. What could be the issue is that there is an increase of cortisol in the child’s brain. That is the closest I have found to the “pleasure chemical. Thanks to Dr. Yvon Delville’s research he goes more in depth about the hormone cortisol @ http://www.utexas.edu/features/archive/2002/bully.html.
In my research, I have come to the conclusion that we don’t think dynamically enough on this issue. We have to consider child bullies as victims too, whether they live in a hostile environment or if they have a mental or medical illness causing this, though children that are bullied happen to be the obvious victim. It is important to find out what is going on with bullies to be able to stop this type of behavior as adults. This type of behavior, if not approached, can escalate to something worse as years progress. That is why I plan to do a second part of this article and research more deeply about this. I’d like to discuss levels of Autism that also can create bullying behavior as well. I hope that this prompts more active (outside the box) thinking on this subject. With that said your viewpoints, professional opinions or stories below are very much welcomed.
All Content © 2011 Marika Dye
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That has nada to do with my post!
My nightmare with bullying began in 6th grade. I decided to dress as Olivia Newton John at the end of Grease. Ya know, that hot outfit with the tight black pants, top and high heels. I just loved that freggin movie. Well, the kids thought I was trying to dress up like a hooker and from that point forward I was labeled a "slut." Even though I had never done anything but kissed a boy at that point.
As a result, the kids starting being mean to me and my best friend left me because I wasn't considered cool enough to hang around anymore.
Once I reached middle school it got even worse. I had nasty messages put on my locker, gum stuck in my hair, booted from the back of the bus where only the cool kids sat and humiliated in front of a large group of people by some of the more popular kids in school. I was even threatened to get my ass kicked by a girl that I didn't even know for no reason at all.
At 40 years old, I'm only now starting to make peace with that time. But the scars from the shame and embarassment run deep.
Aside from the outfit that sparked it all, I always stood out as being different and therefore labeled "weird." I have ADHD and it's very common for those of us struggling with the disorder are singled out for our weirdness. Because we think different and many times act different.
The older I get the more I learn to embrace my weirdness and love myself more for it. But now I'm seeing kids have the same ideas about my daughter who I also believed has ADHD. Aside from that she has red hair which singles her out even more as being different. I was appauled when I heard of kick a ginger day. Ginger referring to red heads.
I only hope that since bullying is at the forefront of the media attention that we can put an end to this so we can all leave in peace as our God given right.
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Good Topic, I wasn't bullied by getting hit on or anything like that but I received many demeaning remarks. Mainly about how skinny I was, seems as if we all have had our fair share of abuse from peers at some point in our young lives. This affects us whether we want to admit it or not, one of the main questions I asked my clients on a weekly basis is (based on a individualized Brain map)"do you believe you have problem with over reaction or over activation probably stemming from infringement trauma during your childhood"? For most its clearly a yes and for others they have to think about it (mainly because they interpret trauma as something physical).
Trauma can be broken down into two categories, hard or soft. A hard trauma would be something like a car accident , fall, assault, rape etc. Soft is more about , regular demeaning remarks, constant bullying, separation abandonment etc. So being bullied is traumatizing whether is physical or verbal, your brain will react to what it believe is a threat, by the way this is a automatic response. One of the brains main functions is to keep us alive and remain safe and it will do it without your conscious participation, this is called the autonomic nervous system.
When we're faced with threats our brain will do one of three things Fight/Flight or Freeze, guess what state the bully normally is in and what state the bullied is in. So if you guessed right you would have said the bully is in a fight or flight mode and the bullied is in freeze state. Soldiers who come back from war have a severe imbalance and are stuck in the fight/ flight mode and based on the data we have seen from a correctional facility inmates are stuck in the freeze state. People who are stuck in the freeze state feel numb, emotionally cut off from people/God and they are dissociated. Thats why for them killing someone is not a big deal because of the disassociation ,I.E columbine.
So bullies are stuck in a fight or flight mode which is like having there foot on the gas , they are always seeking out drama to reinforce the pattern and the bullied tend to go into freeze state, which is like having the foot on the break of a car. So all in all its a never ending cycle of unbalanced brain patterns based on trauma. To validate everything I said you can look up the work of Peter Levine, Dr. David Berceli, Dr. Robert Scaer and Lee Gerdes. Here is a graph showing what the unbalanced brain pattern looks like for someone who is stuck in Freeze, the side comparison is a balanced brain(which is mine) now atleast lol. http://tinyurl.com/3kskjbh
Sorry for the length but a book can be written about this topic
With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen? I’d definitely appreciate it.
P.S. A Book could be written about this. I think I am going to take this response and put it in part two to give you credit. This was great info here. I will check out the link too on Sunday. Thank you again for this. I hope everyone that stops by this article reads your response.
Thanks for this info and thanks for sharing your story! I haven't really met anyone that actually got thru into a dumpster or something dramatic like that. I have seen fights at school though. Like knock down blood festing fights… I would cry… I hated it! So negative and nasty! I couldn't understand as a child what would anger someone that much!
I honestly never got TRULY bullied. I was made fun of ALOT of times but never beaten. Good article tho. I see why SOME people are bullies and almost never grow out of that phase.
I think that making fun (ridicule) is a part of bullying especially after two weeks of reading about this subject. Heavy emotional abuse can still lead to strong effects on a child's emotional state and physical health even if they were not even touched. Luckily, I am goofy and would laugh it off or try to block it but when I got home it still effected me in ways that made me insecure about myself and my appearance.
Funny you should say that, Marika. I was the same way… using my DEVELOPING sense of humor to laugh things off and make THEM laugh. I remember this thing where I was in class in 2nd grade and my shoes weren't exactly the most best. One fell off my foot or one of them took my shoe off my foot and they were passing it around class. EVERYONE was laughing but me. I felt like crying but I pushed it down and started making jokes… I just really wanted my shoe back ( the teacher was in another part of the school). I've only recently remembered that.
Awww…. I remember this boy used to play this slap game with me… and it was only to slap my hand… but then one day he slapped my face…. that infuriated me! So the next day I said "Let's play the slap game!" and He said "Are you sure?" I was said "Yes! I have been practicing!" He said "Err okay" hahaha… well instead of slapping his face… when it was my turn to trick him… I punched him in his stomach and broke his wind. I got in trouble but it was worth it at the time. The boy never made fun of me again. It's sad that sometimes you feel backed in a corner to fight back like that. I guess I got that from my dad. He has his stories as a child too. My dad said "Never come home and someone has put their hands on your and you didn't fight back!" Well I want home but I fought back the next day. I have even been made fun of by a teacher. Her name is Ms. Conneticut. I will always remember her because of how she humiliated me in class. I talk about that in my Ethnicity blog that you read. Though I used violence to get people off my case, I would never suggest that to another child or mine if I had one. I like your tactic better. If it doesn't look like it bothers you then after a while you are no fun to play with.
*hugs you and kisses your cheek*
Thank you! =)
Kids tried to bully me in middle school because I was short (late hitting puberty). I stood up for myself and generally bested them, but it was the shunning that upset me and left lasting scars. I wasn't part of the in crowd and with my height I was mostly picked near to last in gym. I personally think middle school is worse than high school for boys.
It was in middle school for me when I was made fun of too! And it was in gym. I wish there was a way kids didn't have to undress in front of kids. I don't know if it's healthy. I am sorry that happened to you but glad you stood up for yourself and am able to tell the story today. Som children are not able to tell their story as an adult today and that is sad.
On E! They discussed "Kick a Ginger" Day but I thought it was referring to a kid Ginger and something happened to her. Thanks for telling me it has to do with red heads. What's people giz with Red heads? Cause they are different? How are they any different from brunettes or blondes? Anyway, I am sorry you went thru that. I went thru the opposite being lame cause I hadn't even kissed a guy. I wasn't interested. I remember my dad even making a joke like "Do you even like guys?" So it goes either way. I just was really into school stuff. I get fixated on stuff. But I got made fun of for my skin color, my "shirley temple" hair. My mom made my clothes. I just liked her to make them because I didn't want to wear what other girls were wearing but they assumed I was poor. I think back and it's really a form of jealousy. I was different too. People tell me today I am weird or crazy (weird). I just laugh it off like I did in school. It did effect me but I didn't show it! I fought back a lot when it would get bad. Or I would seek revenge and create some plot. I was conniving like that. But I ended up getting a girl beat up pretty bad and ended up in the principals office so I stopped. I was like this is not worth it to hurt someone so bad. But after a while people didn't mess with me. So I have been on both sides. See what I read is that kids that are being bullies become them sometimes too. An aggression receptor in the brain increases which causes this. I was able to stop but some are not! It's like once they start they can taste blood and like it. I just didn't. I just wanted the two girls that were hurting me the most to stop. So I had to play one against the other somehow to break up the alliance and then I still wanted to get back at them. I saw how such a dirty cycle it can be. But in school sometimes it's like kill or die. That's sad to me! I am glad you are strong enough to tell your story today! You are a great person and I love you!
I really don't know what people's giz is with red heads. Yes, I think it''s simply cuz they are different. Unbelievable that in the world we live in today, we all of our differences that we still experience this.
Sorry you went through your crap. It's very mature of you to be able to rise above your own actions to see how it was affecting others. I wish more people could do that.
I've read the same about bullies being bullied. I just read about a boy who killed three people in Ohio on Monday. They suspect he was being bullied too. He also came from an abusive family. So sad. How anyone can be abusive towards a child is so beyond my comprehension.
I just pray that I am given the proper guidance to guide my daughter through any bullying she may experience. I pray she doesn't have to experience the deep wounds that I still to this day continue to try and heal. I pray that society finds a way to resolve this peacefully.
Thank you Marika. So are you. Love ya girl.